Learning English: 8 ways to politely say no
Western culture for many is associated with politeness and its emphasized demonstration - sometimes not even quite sincere, but "mandatory." It is difficult for people with a different mentality to navigate in a culture where the negative is usually mitigated. In particular, I personally always did not understand how to say “no” in English?
I found a post describing eight ways to politely refuse and examples in English. The material seemed interesting to me, so I prepared an adapted translation of it.
1. Use expressions that show emotion and kindness
If you refuse to demonstrate lively emotions, show that you really wish you could give a positive answer - this will help mitigate the negative. Here's how to do it:
Examples:
“I'm very sorry but I have to say no.” Is an expression of regret.
“Thank you for thinking of me, but regretfully, it's not something I can commit to at the moment.” - There is not just regret, but something similar to the explanation (the sentence does not fit at the moment).
2. Explain more
You can go further and honestly describe why the answer is just that. In Western culture, rejection with a brief explanation will be perceived better than “no and that’s all”.
Examples :
“I'm sorry, Mr. Bullwhip. I wish I could stay, but I just can't work late today. I'm coaching my son's Little League game this evening. ” - When the boss asked me to stay overtime, the employee has other plans.
“I'd really like to take on the job but I'm already tied up with another project this week. My apologies. ” - Here the specialist explains why this week cannot help in any way.
3. Refusal + compliment
It is a well-known fact that, for example, in the United States, even when a person’s idea is “wrapped up”, good manners require that you praise it first and then list “but”.
Examples :
“Your cooking is always so delicious, Aunt Burndet. It kills me to say no, but I can't join you for dinner tonight. Will you please save me some? ”
“You did a great job on this proposal. I'm very impressed, but I'm afraid I have to say no at this time. ”
4. To propose another solution is always a good idea.
The interlocutor in any case will be upset by the refusal, so you can mitigate the impression by proposing an alternative. Perhaps he would like it even more.
Examples:
“I can't do it myself right now, but have you considered asking Aunt Burndet to help with the menu? I bet she'd love to do it! ” - I can’t help myself, but you will turn to this person - he’ll probably take it with joy.
“Regretfully, I'm fully booked at the moment, but I have a few great referrals I'd be happy to share with you if you're interested.” - A similar option.
5. The option "not now" also works well
If you don’t want to give a definitive negative answer, want to buy time or are afraid to seem impolite, the safest option to refuse is to return to discussions later.
You need to be careful with this option, because if the interlocutor is persistent and continues to contact you, and you finally refuse, the negative consequences may be more noticeable.
Examples :
“That sounds like fun, but I'm just not up for it today. Can I take a raincheck? ”
“I wish I had the time, but I really can't right now. Perhaps we could do it another time? ”
6. Ask for a pause for thought.
If you understand that in the current situation the interlocutor needs an immediate answer, you do not want to refuse, but also fulfill the request - it will be logical to ask for time “to think”. It is likely that if the issue is urgent, then later your services will not be needed to resolve it. As a result, the interlocutor will not receive a refusal, and you will not have to do what you don’t want or not to be in time.
Examples:
“That sounds really interesting. I'm going to have to think about it though. Can I let you know? ”
“I appreciate the invite but I'm not sure what I have going on that day. Let me check my calendar and get back to you. ”
7. Failure as an attempt to obtain better conditions
It also happens that the proposal does not look very good at first glance, but under certain conditions you could agree to it, it makes sense to arrange small negotiations. Offer your compromise conditions, so you demonstrate empathy, and - why not - you can get additional profit or at least minimize negative consequences for yourself.
Examples :
“I'd love to help you move but my back has really been bothering me lately. Could I bring my truck and just be a driver? ” - When a friend asked me to move, it was uncomfortable to refuse completely, but there was no desire to“ bother ”, you can at least offer to be a driver and provide your car.
“I can't come into the office on Saturday. I'll have my kids with me all weekend. I wouldn't mind working on the case from home though, if that works for you? ” - When the boss needs to call an employee to the office on the weekend, he does not want to go and offers an alternative.
8. If the request is inconvenient, you can carefully mention it.
Despite the fact that usually in English-speaking dialogues no one wants to immerse themselves too much in the problems of the interlocutor, there is nothing terrible in showing honesty and directly pointing out the inconvenience that the request causes.
This method helps to lead the interlocutor to the conclusion that he offers something wrong, without giving him a direct refusal.
An example :
“Thanks but no thanks. Rock climbing is not for me. I have to confess I'm afraid of heights! I hope you have a great time though. I'd love to see pics when you get back. ” - When friends suggest doing something not very interesting.
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