“A man comes to the doctor. Complains of depression, says life is rude and cruel, that he feels alone in a menacing world. The doctor offers a simple prescription: "The great clown Palyachi is in the city today, go, it will cheer you up." A man explodes in tears. “But the doctor,” he says, “I am the Fingers”
Recently, after an article about " Gadgets for Sleep ", where a survey found that more than 50% of respondents had "all bad stuff with emotions and stress," I wrote to one good person asking: "Please send me the three most useful articles about depression. " He replied to me: "I am on antidepressants, studying the question from the inside."
Perhaps this is seasonal affective disorder (SAD), or perhaps this is an objective polar animal. "The darkness that came from the Mediterranean Sea covered the city hated by the procurator." This year, I realized that I was rolling downhill. When Rick and Morty, Silicon Valley, Doctor House, a large shaggy dog ​​and three cats ceased to please.
But there are still cartridges - I am happy to wait for morning coffee, evening hacking with men in hockey, pluses on Habré and good comments. And I’m really looking forward to Dune 2020.
I would like to “talk” and, at a minimum, put together a body of publications that may be useful for researching the issue.
Here are my top 3 articles:
- The tyranny of positive thinking threatens your health and happiness
- “I'm sorry, but I'm depressed”: how to work with a sick employee
- Robert Sapolsky - Depression [Vert Dider]
And under the cut, I want to share a long Facebook canvas that served as the “last straw” for me and I can no longer be silent.
(May such "unformat" be forgiven me, for the topic is important)
The post of Alexandra Kovaleva (November 14, 2019)
This summer, two of my close friends took their own lives.
Those who are familiar with real depression with suicidal thoughts know that everything happens differently than in the movies. No drama, no standing in snot above the river (although it happens).
Just at some point you notice that you have not experienced joy for a very long time. It starts with the fact that you suddenly notice to yourself that everything is somehow the same. And towards the end - you just want to beat your head against the car window with all your foolishness, so that the skull will crack, because you can’t see another way to rest for at least a second from the darkness and the feeling of total, absorbing loneliness. Screaming, running, whatever - just to get distracted for at least a minute, take a break from blackness.
You continue to smile, because from childhood you were instilled with responsibility for those around you and all those around you continue to giggle, trying to protect their fluffy pink little worlds. You understand that not everyone has fluffy and pink ones, but that doesn’t matter. You understand that you have depression, you understand that you have the same modern “smiling” depression, but it does not matter. You feel absolutely lonely and pointless, the rest of the world is behind the glass, and you gradually begin to move away, you are here - but not here. You are alone in a spacesuit in outer space, and they are all there - on a distant blue planet. Trying to deal with causes is pointless because everything is the cause. You live by inertia, move by inertia, lose all emotions, feelings - you don’t feel anything but therefore you don’t see the point in the environment, you understand that this is just a state and it will someday end, but this understanding, like everything else, is simply doesn't make sense.
All articles read about anxiety do not help, pronouncing and writing out on three sheets - do not help, contrast shower, sports, positive thinking - does not help. You just feel bad from the most everyday thoughts in your head. It exhausts you, you get tired, you fight yourself every second, you try to make yourself feel good - and every second you lose yourself, you start to panic fear these - that is, all - sensations.
And here the most interesting thing happens)) - your self-preservation instinct decides to protect you from you. And when once again a wave of longing begins to roll over you (and you have already studied your condition so much that you know the wave in advance, hear from afar, rumble), you become so scared that the self-preservation instinct shouts to you logically - “save yourself - jump out the window ".
The limbic system is so arranged. She is responsible for our ancient instincts and acts with lightning speed. The neocortex - a new part of the human brain, responsible in particular for analysis, for self-awareness as an individual - is delayed by a split second. But this gap is enough to whip or, even more dangerous, to feel in these moments a feeling of a long-forgotten elementary rest, and therefore - an exit: if I finish, I will no longer feel bad. Everything is logical.
When it happened to me a year ago - this moment “save yourself!” jump! ”, I managed to clutch my nails into a chair. After a second, a neocortex ran in, just as dumbfounded as I was, and reminded me that I was not only a female monkey with the “hit or run” system (or rather, just “run” because “hit” didn’t work), but in a larger degrees - “Sasha Kovaleva” and all the derivatives of this image, which I have long and hard put into a pyramid of meanings, starting from birth.
The first important thing I did at that moment was to push the sofa to the balcony door. I clearly knew why I was doing this - next time to give the neocortex these same fractions of a second to process the information of the limbic system and remind me that "it was not always like that."
The second important thing I did was call the doctor (completely, by the way, non-core) and clearly spoke everything.
The first important thing that the doctor did was to go to work on Sunday to urgently inject me with a dropper of magnesia. A single-dose shock dose of ordinary magnesium in an hour of my time - and the question of weeks of hell was solved simply by mechanical forced rest from stress hormones. In my case (!) It was really that simple.
The second important thing that the doctor did was to take the phone from me, call my husband and say in broken English, "Your business trip in France is ending right now and you are flying home today." Although, by the way, my husband (brother-swat-lamp post) did not matter to me then, like everything else.
The third important thing that I did - I now look inside people for their taut smiles. If I feel anxiety in a person, I ask “how are you doing” three times, because usually only after the third time people stop smiling gratuitously and tell the truth - they pronounce themselves a little, get out. If I see that a person can’t do it on his own, I tell him my story and say that “positive thinking” and other nonsense do not help.
The fourth important thing I did was write this post.
It is impossible to use a force of one's own muscles to stop a train rushing downhill when it gained speed. It is impossible to stop depression when she gained speed by the power of her own knowledge.
The sympathetic nervous system is therefore called ergotropic - under stress, it keeps you energized and spends a lot of energy on it. And if the stress hormone adrenaline is eliminated from the body without any problems, then under certain conditions, cortisol tends to accumulate, inhibits the production of dopamine, oxytocin, impairs sleep quality, as a result of which - here a vicious circle - even more cortisol is produced. And no, “think about the good” - it does not help here. "Information detox" - does not help. “Just rest” - it does not help, because you cannot rest with insomnia, I'm sorry. “Smile more often” doesn’t help, because when the brain no longer connects the smile with joy and ceases to produce endorphin, the smile turns into an empty grimace and an eerie reminder of the happiness in the smile that you had and lost. And “meeting friends” doesn’t help either, because friends just advise “take a rest” and “think about the good”, and to be honest, they simply allegorically-politically correct and of course unconsciously tell you to “fuck off” and have it is a complete right.
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Anxiety Disorders - AIDS of the New Age. Scientists predict the growth of mortido, a serious increase in the number of suicides and deaths caused by self-destructive behavior (drugs, workaholism, skydiving - there) for our generation.
This is connected not only with personal injuries, not only with a sense of post-history and the end of everything, not only with a multiple increase in the number of people around you, real or online (and as a result, a feeling of lesser importance both yourself and people), not only with general digitalization and that huge amount of information - advertising, news, constant scrolling, which flows daily into the brain of a person who is unable to process 10 percent of this material.
This is also connected with the narcissization of society as a whole. Those who read a little about narcissistic personality disorder know that if it is very rude, this disorder is built on a huge number of social masks, for which personality, core, self-awareness never develops.
A person with a narcissistic disorder, in fact, instead of presenting himself to society presents masks that cause a qualitative evaluating reaction of the outside world, but behind these masks it does not develop, or degrades to a complete zero, the real person’s personality. People with such a pathology, often being successful, qualitative as a function, experience extreme emptiness within themselves.
Of course, there are gradations. Of course, healthy narcissism and pathology are two different things. Of course, narcissistic personality disorder is associated with childhood traumatic experiences with parents. And of course - this is just a beautiful example to describe modernity.
But what we are seeing now in digital society - the panopticon of Jeremiah Bentham - is a self-projecting “observational society”, which may not exist in reality, but it definitely exists in the head of every person who has an account in social networks, likes, selfies in instagram, comparative success tables and, as a result, a growing sensation of external evaluation (the key word is sensation), as the norms of the modern world.
When you diligently, for decades, hide your true self from others, in the end you yourself forget where you put yourself. When you, without noticing it, begin to exist only in the eyes of others, you do not become anymore, you are washed. Sooner or later you will find out - nobody really looks at you, because everyone is busy making your own mistake. And if you do not find yourself neither in the eyes of the beholders, nor in yourself, then a reasonable question arises ...
Somehow, gradually, the narcissization of society, and the unconscious, carefully retouched emptiness within society, are also creeping in.
It can be difficult to find a true self behind the rubble of its own efficiency, expressed opinions, representing myself as a function (I am what I do (actually not)) and other “suitable”, and most importantly - high-speed ones — self-projections into the world. Keeping yourself in this state of awareness is even more difficult.
Remaining oneself, taking advantage of all the benefits of the postmodern world, is completely fucked up.
There will be neither a “but” nor a “however." Just think out loud.
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It was about biochemistry and neurophysiology of behavior.
And now - about the projections of psychophysics into the emotional world of a person))
1. If you feel bad, but “anyway” - this is already bad - do not try to stop the train by hand. Contact a specialist. Not to a psychologist, but to that specialist who solves the issue of discord in biochemistry. At this stage, no one (!!!) except the doctor will be able to help you. It makes no sense to disassemble children's psychotrauma if you are unable to objectively analyze memories in cortisol intoxication.
2. Exaggerate the problem. Because in the current state you downplay it. And the doctor needs to hear clear information.
3. Remember how it was. The surrounding reality was not always so whitish and deaf, which means there is a way out. It is written on it. Try to stop standing numb in horror and start numb in horror to move in the right direction - towards the doctor’s office.
4. I know that you do not care, and all this makes no sense, and the people around you do not understand anything, they are behind the glass, so far away. But tell these people how you feel. If it makes no difference, if you do not care, why not do it? Through fatigue.
5. You will be surprised how much others do not care about you. How “people are not up to you”, how “everyone has their own problems”, how easy and comfortable they are to believe your exemplary smile. How simply not to read your inept cry for help. You will be surprised how few will respond, even if you tell everything in plain text (and not in hints, as you originally tried), even if you say that you need help. Do not blame them. You should not have relied on them. Everyone has their own life. Find yourself and communicate with this particular person, you have not met with him for a long time. He will help you. True.
6. When you tell your family that you need help, they will not help you. Not because they don’t want to, but because you won’t hear. Now you are not able to accept anything from the outside, to feel intimacy even when your family hugs you every minute and says that you are the meaning of their life. It is for this that everything needs to be said out loud - so that it does NOT help. This is a step from the infantile mink, where you sit and silently wait that you will guess that they themselves will understand and decide that you are strong - but such, fabulously dramatic strong. They will NOT help you. Just then you will begin to move yourself.
7. Do not be afraid if you feel sorry. People show their fear and empathy in this way - compassion is a good feeling. The attitude of others does not form you.
8. Do not be ashamed of your anxiety. Generally never feel shame. Shame and guilt are two different things. Guilt is associated with internal morality. Shame is just a fear of society, an external locus of control. Shame is always in front of someone and for oneself. Do not betray yourself. This world owes you nothing. But you do not owe him anything. You have synergy.
9. Do you know what is with your skin, what is with vision, what is with your stomach. What you also need to know about biochemistry. After a showdown with biochemistry, you will go to a psychologist for a showdown with psychological injuries. And that will help too. The faster you meet with yourself, the more support from yourself you will have in the future. (I cannot vouch for this item; I have not yet begun work with a psychologist, but they say so).
10. Gradually close people will begin to return. In fact, they did not go anywhere, it was just that you were unable to receive them. colors begin to return. Find your ways to increase color during this period. Poke method. Vitamins of group B helped me at that time (after sniffing up analyzes on microelements, etc.), meditation - there are applications - for 10 minutes, you walk around the city and listen in headphones instead of music, and boxing / kickboxing with a trainer - excessively depressed works out perfectly pear, and most importantly - you begin to feel better yourself, your body and the body of another person, you stop feeling glassy / unreal / fragile, you begin to feel the foundation. Find yours.
11. If and when you cope with depression - rejoice in the fact that from those very times when your anxiety will return (and it will return, in lighter, not depressive forms) - you will begin to recognize it on the way. There is no need to be afraid of it, no need to resist and declare war - it is too energy-consuming and wrong: anxiety is just an indicator on your panel that informs you that the motor is overheating. Anxiety is a part of every person’s life with Internet access. You somehow learned to walk and talk, and you’ll figure it out with anxiety. This feeling of slowly rolling “that same” will no longer scare you, but will become just a beacon, a timer on the oven - “it's time to reboot and concentrate on yourself.” just like a sleeping state means it's time to sleep.
12. Do not get mad at your walls, which for all these years of successful success have you set up around yourself, protecting yourself from the outside world. Thank them. you did some serious construction work and they did a good job protecting you when you needed it. and even if it wasn’t necessary, they still protected you. With walls you need to say goodbye in a friendly and grateful manner. but you can - do not say goodbye. You can just chop a spacious gate.
There's no point. He was not there. These were all fairy tales about Santa Claus. It is just nice and just interesting. If you understand this and it does not frighten you anymore - I congratulate you, you have left the era of infantilism and become an adult. And I sympathize with you - to believe in “meaning” was easier and more pleasant. But trying to understand the essence of things and the essence of people is much more interesting.
The void must be filled with oneself, with oneself, and not with successful success and clickbait. Remember, you were at your place as a child, but you lost somewhere along the way. Come back and pick it up.
This is all my purely personal experience. Hope this helps someone.
(And I hope that our Ministry of Health will someday guess to introduce psychotherapeutic help into the list of not only free, but also compulsory services.)