Talk about death

In my peasant's view, smart suicides do not exist at all. Well, except when the Mujahideen surrounded the fighter, but there were no cartridges. A fighter pulls a ring on the last grenade and leaves for another world, at the same time planting a couple of Alahakbarites along their way to their beloved Allah. In fact, this is not suicide, but the translation of one’s own death from the category of painful to heroic. In other cases, the unauthorized withdrawal from the movie, called life, is the most stupid thing. Although some stupidities are dumber than others. And this case is about the most stupid of them.

In the early 1970s, PNPI was Leningrad NPP. Leningrad Institute of Nuclear Physics. Many different people worked there - mostly solid people. But there were also solid ones. Ryzhik was one of the most reputable, although he considered himself the second most important in science, immediately after Einstein. He was full 24 years old, and he worked as a laboratory assistant. What was his real name, I forgot. He got his nickname for his rare freckles and fox hair color. Our genius liked to criticize the General Theory of Relativity (though without special logic and any algebra on paper), but he claimed to have evidence of the existence of the ether as a kind of absolute reporting system, but everyone to whom he showed his work laughed at him. However, at home he found unconscious support for his research in the face of his mother and some childhood friends. Such authorities strengthened him in the thought that they simply could not understand him because of “their stupidity” and arrogance. One way or another, but after a year, our nugget did not consider anyone worthy to show them his ingenious works. And he was known for having to go to Fiztekh or to Leningrad State University every year, where he invariably received a deuce in physics or mathematics at the entrance exams, depending on which exam was the first. Even the “profile” characteristic from the place of work did not help. It seems that Ryzhik had very big problems with an overwhelming self-esteem, which completely shattered the principle of sound social adaptation and assessment of reality. You know, it happens - mom inspires mediocrity that he is something special in this world. Mediocre believes. He wants to become Lomonosov-2, and becomes a neurotic. I would like to become a car mechanic, maybe I would live happily.

After the army, Ryzhik returned to his institute. The guy served, but didn’t get his mind, although he seemed to have to say goodbye to youthful snotty. Hard case. And then Ryzhik managed to fall in love. In MNSa, more precisely in a young junior research assistant. Oh aunt was! Beauty indescribable and at the same time smart - a rare combination. Well, in my opinion, after Curie-Warehouse, young women have no place in experimental nuclear physics. I say this not because of terry sexism-machismo, but from the point of view of elementary biology. To be mothers to them. The peasant has a better deal in this regard - the reproductive cells change every three months, but for the girls - they have done enough since maturation, and they sit until the climax, they catch the radiation. Well, our beauty on this side of personal hygiene spat and worked with terribly radioactive salts of radium.

Let Ryzhik look after this beauty. Well, the girl had a dissertation in her head, and her view of life was more impressive than juvenile maximalism. Ryzhik tired of her with his harassment. And once again Ryzhik seized the moment and let this lady swear in love to the grave, and offer her hand and heart. And the lady decided to translate his nonsense into a constructive channel. Well, he tells him that they’ll marry you as soon as you become a physicist. Go to the university, unlearn, and there come, if the desire continues. Well, that would sit down for books, and prepare for exams. What for? Neurotic labor is burdensome. Ryzhik ran into the university, as always sure that he was clever even without books. I handed over the work, and in mathematics I grabbed a banana. So I returned to work after the second exam. Let's get glued to your “bride” again. My aunt was already tired of this, and she told him directly what she was thinking about him. Like - you're a stupid idler with inflamed conceit, plus a sissy, not a man. It’s disgusting to give such a thing, not like getting married.

Rezanul Ryzhik these words. For the first time in his life, he realized that his world did not coincide with the real world. What about its "significance" people have a diametrically opposite opinion. And frustration fell on Ryzhik, or in everyday life a complete collapse of hopes. Again, Ryzhik was the son of a sissy, and therefore he did not know any real methods of dealing with frustration. All my life, my mother fought for him with words like “do not believe it, my son, they all lie out of envy for you, so smart and significant.” In this situation, these words did not work. Well, what envy does the lady who sent him have hearts? Well, peasants quickly find an independent way out of such problems. There are many options, from “I will buy a bottle and forget”, through “I’ll go to another”, to “study-study-study” or “work-search, find and not give up”. In short, an offensive episode, but not the end of life. Ryzhik, however, came to an end, because life itself lost its meaning. The meaning of his life was thoroughly neurotic, invented. So he collapsed, and Ryzhikov’s crippled little soul turned out to be like a snail without a shell under the scorching sun. Unbearable state. Mommy saw it. She would have to turn her overgrown son to a psychiatrist, no. She sprinkled salt on his wound with "sissy wisdom" - if you, my son’s splendor, don’t forget about this fool, I will stop loving you!

The most powerful trigger on stupidity. Psychologically, in any adult man, love for a woman is a second time scrolling of his childhood love for his mother. And here, because of cheap maternal jealousy, such a painful blow to the same place. Ginger decided to punish everyone. My beloved and mommy first of all, well, myself too. And indeed the whole world, for the fact that he is such a shit and did not appreciate Ryzhik. Ryzhik decided to die ostentatiously, and so that everyone around him would run and be sorry. An absolutely childish desire for an “unjustly” punished boy is a desire to make a tantrum and a scandal around an “insult”. Remember how the kids scream at the store when their mother pulls out on the arm? Roar them, the last resort to punish mom - let everyone around me see how bad my mom is. Ryzhikov's infantile subconscious mind included the same mechanism.

Since our “baby” was the 25th year old, screaming with good obscenities was not solid. Others would not understand. Therefore, Ryzhik took a syringe from his mother’s first-aid kit and quietly sneaked into the laboratory to his rejected love. In a special safe, his love kept radioactive materials. The materials were strictly accountable, and any use of them was recorded in a special journal. Consumption-availability and records were checked daily. Well, scientists are in some ways a simple people and the combination from the safe was recorded on the crust of that very notebook. So Ryzhik stole an ampoule with radium salts and made the corresponding entry in the journal. The pages in the magazine are numbered, stitched, and the firmware is sealed - you won’t tear it out. The authorities and investigators will read. The recording was quite lengthy, two pages. There Ryzhik described in detail what all the shit is, and his love in the first place. And this opus ended with the phrase that living with a similar attitude to him was, well, completely impossible, and therefore Ryzhik voluntarily dies, letting himself radium through his vein. Well, and who to blame for this death - see the above. Having written this insult, Ryzhik really opened the ampoule and made himself an intravenous injection of its contents. Putting a syringe in a container with radioactive waste, the sufferer drove home. This fool did not know one thing - how much Curie he grabbed, and what awaited him. Curie - this is not the woman with whom nuclear physics began, but those Curie, more precisely Millikuri, in which radioactivity in honor of that woman is measured. And he grabbed a little. It’s not enough to die quickly, but martyrly. But still enough to finally die. I wish I read books in this matter.

In the morning, a chill came to work. She opened the magazine and was stupefied. I ran to the authorities. The authorities got angry, but thought that this was just a record, the harmless revenge of Kot Leopold, so to speak. But just in case, she told me where it was necessary about the fact of the loss of radioactive materials sent to the house to Ryzhik to help the KGB of the dosimetrist. GB shniki arrived to do a search. Yes, there is nothing to search - phonite from Ryzhik himself and from the toilet where he wrote. Well, a little from the crib, where he sweated sleeplessly at night, expecting death. So he wrote the truth. They deactivated the toilet, thrust the bed into a special container, and Romeo himself was loaded into the cop “bobby”, locked in the back compartment alone and ordered to sit on the opposite side from the driver. So as not to irradiate good people how much in vain. They themselves got into another car and drove all in a crowd at the VPT (to the Clinic for Military Field Therapy, at the Military Medical Academy). There Ryzhik was handed over to the reliable hands of medical officers.

The field therapists were very happy with this gift. It’s good luck to get such a clean experiment on incorporated (embedded in the body) radiation without accompanying external radiation. That there are rat-dogs, a rare opportunity presented itself on the human body to see the effect! They called the Leningrad Institute of Nuclear Physics, clarified the "dosnyak". Everything is very successful, both chemically, by activity, and by time, everything is known. Good for an experimenting doctor, not for Ginger. For Ryzhik, it’s just bad. Chronic radiation sickness. You will not die right away, but you will be tormented for a long, long time.

On the first day, everything was normal. Immediately after a conversation with an on-call specialist who came from a nearby Psychiatry Clinic, Ryzhik, under the pretext of "I understood everything, will not happen again," began to ask for home. In addition, mom was not allowed to the department. Ryzhik was encouraged that everything was still ahead. Do not be fooled. The torment began on the second day. The fact is that radiation kills the fastest-dividing cells. Well, for example, bone marrow and intestinal lining. The latter is fully updated in 24 hours. We eat-digest the old epithelium, and build up the new one in one day. So Ryzhik’s process slowed down and ulcers went wherever possible. Well, Ginger immediately made a complete blood exchange. They exchanged his own dirty blood for pure donor blood. Then they began to inject drugs, binding heavy salts, let's make different phyresis and dialysis - with special devices, clean the blood from radium coming from the tissues. Only late already. A lot of radiation was removed, but a lot remained. Mostly in the bones. And in our bones, blood is being made.

This bone radiation did not keep itself waiting long - Ryzhikovo's blood formation began to fade. Slowly. In acute radiation sickness, the situation is completely different. A nuclear explosion burst, irradiated a person in seconds. Well, the bone marrow has a lot of rest. Chilled - blood formation. But not for long - after a pause hematopoiesis is slowly restored. If he manages to recover, the person will survive, he will become healthy. Therefore, the name of this disease is acute. Once knocked, and the rest was a dodger. With a radioactive infection of the body, the situation is directly opposite. At first, there is almost no reaction. But further - the more time passes, the worse the situation. It is not recovery, but gradual oppression. In the end, or the bone marrow completely stops making blood, and then the kayuk. Or, instead of normal blood cells, he begins to do hemoblastosis. Then the kayuk a bit later, already from blood cancer. The fact that Ryzhik kayuk, field therapists had no doubt. The question was “how”?

And the kayuk really came in the most unusual way and not immediately. A year and a half there was a progressive inhibition of hematopoiesis. Well, they transfused, did transplants - transplanted donor bone marrow. The more time passed, the worse the transplant worked. Finally, blastose cells appeared in the blood - bleeding. Kaput hematopoiesis and the bill went for months. The situation turns out to be twice stupid - blood cancer must be crushed with drugs that inhibit the division of bone marrow cells. And the division of bone marrow cells is already oppressed to the extreme by radiation sickness. If you prick medicines, the “luchevka” will aggravate. If you cancel the medicine, your blood cancer will worsen. Vicious circle. To control saffron hematopoiesis, frequent sternum punctures had to be done - to suck out a drop of bone marrow. This droplet was smeared on glass, dried, stained and looked under a microscope. No one doubted where death would come from.

But she didn’t come from there. From cancer, or rather cancer and not blood. In ordinary life, this does not happen. There is cancer, but the only one and the last. Ryzhik, in addition to white blood, for some unknown reason, instantly developed four more different cancers. More precisely, two cancers and two precancerous conditions. They would also have 100% turned into real crayfish, but Ryzhik, the bastard, did not give it - he died.

After VPT, the “five-cancer” corpse has long been a hero of the season already at the Department of Pathanatomy.

The first cancer had the wonderful name of intraepidermal carcinoma. He developed on the left elbow, just in the place where Ryzhik injected radium. Metastases were found in the lungs, lymph nodes, and liver. The second cancer was called osteosarcoma. The crustacean was a wreck - it threw more than all metastases. It developed on the sternum, just in the place where Ryzhik was constantly doing bone marrow puncture. In just a couple of months, something resembling a yoke or a huge horseshoe from a heavy horse has grown on the sternum. Then, from this horseshoe tumor, the sprouts went to all the bones and organs where they “successfully” fought for a place with metastases of the aforementioned carcinoma. It seems that none of the pathologists knew of such a turn of events. Fighting crayfish for existence - Darwin is resting. Plus, malignant teratoma - the most masculine cancer, egg cancer, developed in the hlypik. Well, malignant nephroma is kidney cancer. This is also understandable - a lot of work fell on the kidneys in filtering radium. In addition, the fifth cancer was bleeding - leukemia or blood cancer. This seems to be no longer considered, for they expected death from him.

In my opinion, a two-year suicide is the most stupid stupid thing!

PS: I ask you not to be indignant that I call all neoplasias cancerous; we all remember from the third year that cancer is an epithelial tumor, and for the phrase “blood cancer” it’s an unconditional banana at the exam ... It’s just that it was written not just for the doctors and I wanted to be simpler - I try to replace boring terms whenever possible with everyday ones concepts.